Listening to Learn

I logged on to Unsplash.com, the source of freely useable I use for the blog and newsletter, to see what I might find under the heading ‘listening’. I wasn’t sure if I’d find anything, but there turned out to be quite a few images. Approximately 75% of the pictures were pictures of people wearing earbuds and headphones or just the equipment itself. About 20% were pictures of animals with prominent ears. That leaves something around 5% of the images showing people interacting. Somehow that seems meaningful. Conversation yielded a few more pictures.

It’s certainly not a new idea to say that people don’t listen very well these days. It may be like writing and reading – a belief that people were better at all three in some perfect past. But whether or not we were better at listening in the past, the reality is that our world is a noisy place and listening is challenging for all of us.

Listening to learn

We learn the conventions of conversation early on. Take turns. I say something and then you are supposed to say something in return – something relevant. Therefore, I have to be ready to speak when you stop and I have to have thought of something to say. Of course, that means it’s likely I didn’t hear at least some part of what you were saying. Nor did I leave time for you to add something to your thoughts. Of course, in normal conversation, if I keep quiet for more than a normal breath, you’re likely to look at me strangely. After all, I’m not keeping up my end of the bargain.

However, when you give people the chance to change the conventions to allow for listening they often find it difficult. And then they find it refreshing. This past week, as part of a day and a half workshop, we did a listening exercise. I gave them something to talk about, but with unusual instructions. During the thirty minutes of conversation, one person was to talk for fifteen minutes without interruption, question, or exchange. If the speaker ran out of things to say, they were to be silent together. At the fifteen-minute mark, the roles were reversed. While a few people admitted to ‘cheating’ for the most part they honored the structure.

Being heard

Even the ones who fudged on the time frame were amazed at the results. Time to think about a topic is a luxury they have rarely experienced. Being listened to without interruption is unusual. Listening to someone with no purpose beyond hearing what they have to say can be challenging, but it frees us up to learn and to understand.

Larry Spears, former director of the Greenleaf Center for Servant Leadership, has written about ten essential skills of the servant-leader. He says listening is the most important skill of all. According to him, leaders need a “deep commitment to listening intently to others. The servant-leader seeks to identify the will of a group and helps to clarify that will. He or she listens receptively to what is being said and unsaid.”*

As a leader, how do you make sure you are practicing good listening? How do you create space for others to listen? In what way do you make sure people are being heard? How do you give them the opportunity to listen to learn?

*https://www.regent.edu/acad/global/publications/jvl/vol1_iss1/Spears_Final.pdf