Choices to Make

Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash

I grew up in what I often describe to friends as a “no whining” household. My parents made it very clear in a variety of ways that we were responsible for our responses to what life threw our way. A complaint of “that’s not fair”, usually elicited a response of “Who told you life was going to be fair?”

To be honest, that complaint was usually mine, in response to some perceived injustice or at least unevenness in the reactions of my parents to the grades my brother and I brought home. Of course, now I understand that different children need different responses. So do grown-ups for that matter.

One part of those life lessons I learned early on was the reality that no matter what decision my parents made, what chores we were assigned, or what argument my brother and I were having, I always had the choice of how I responded. I could whine and cry – which had no effect whatsoever. I could complain about the chores and put them off, but then I’d have to do them later. And I could keep the sibling argument going until it degenerated into a fistfight, which I always lost, or I could walk away.

I’m grateful to have learned this lesson, though I still work at putting it into practice, but when I do remember I can chose my response, it’s always powerful.

I wrote about freedom last week and this ability to stop in the moment and choose is a powerful exercise of freedom. It’s a chance to use our reason not our emotions as we go through the day. It’s an opportunity to choose compassion in our responses to difficult people and situations. It’s an opportunity to hold on to our own personal authority, agency and responsibility instead of letting go in the heat of the moment. It’s a chance to be a leader even if no one follows in that exact moment. It’s a chance to choose bravery rather than avoidance.

Sometimes we have two bad choices or even multiple mediocre choices and then it can be tempting to abdicate responsibility, to let circumstances decide. It feels better to throw our hands in the air and say whatever happens wasn’t our fault. But, of course, the other lesson I’ve learned along the way is that not making a decision is actually a decision. And if you have a leadership role, you don’t actually get to abdicate the responsibility even if you try. That goes with the job.

And for good or bad, the power to choose and the responsibility to make a choice comes with a lot of other roles. Parent, colleague, sibling, team member, citizen – what ever role we find ourselves in, we also find ourselves in the position to make a choice. It’s a freedom, and a responsibility, we can’t give away. The choices may be between bad and worse, but there’s a decision to be made. And it’s up to us to take a deep breath and choose to make the best decision we can in the moment.

Take care,

Gage