True Leadership
For me, it’s definitional. Bullies are not leaders. That may have titles and positions of authority but that doesn’t make them leaders. Both titles and positions may give them power to abuse but that is not leadership. It’s merely coercion and abuse.
I’ve taught classes and workshops on leadership for years. I’ve held leadership positions and tried to meet my own definitions of good leadership, in other words, to practice what I teach. In one particular workshop, The Leadership Dance, I ask people to list every word they can think of in one minute when I say the word leader. I repeat the exercise with the word follower. The follower lists vary somewhat but nearly always have fewer words and weaker words than the leader lists. The leader lists are filled with positive words describing all of the positive attributes we wish for in our leaders. When I ask if anyone in the room can do and be all of those things, the response is honest, rueful headshakes. We say and we do expect a lot of our leaders. Yet, there are so many people in leadership who are bullies, who do practice coercion in ways large and small.
I’ve come to believe that the most important idea in leadership is that of responsibility. We want, and need, leaders who understand their responsibility for the health and well-being of the entire organization and everyone in it and within its sphere of influence. We need people who do the hard work of understanding the consequences of their decisions, actions, and words – every single one of them. After all, if you have the title of leader, people pay close attention to even the most off-hand statement or action. We need people willing to admit and accept accountability for their mistakes and who are able to say the hard things like, “I don’t know.” “I made a mistake.” “I need to learn more.”
That’s a short list of the responsibility of leaders, but we also need to remember that everyone has responsibility to and for leadership in their organizations and communities whether or not they have a title. About two-thirds of the way through The Leadership Dance, I teach participants how to do an underarm turn. By this point, everyone has gotten past the fact that they are dancing. There’s a lot of laughter and a fair amount of silliness. Just before I release them to try it with music, I stop. I ask two pairs who are standing close together to demonstrate the turn. It quickly becomes clear that if they do the turn in that configuration, someone is going to run into someone else. That’s when I tell them one of the most important lessons of the workshop.
“This lead,” I hold my hand up to single the turn to a partner, “is an invitation, not a command.” It’s fascinating to watch the recognition of that statement flow around the room. “If your partner asks you to turn for the thirtieth time in a row and you’re dizzy, don’t turn. If you partner doesn’t realize that your turn will make you run into someone else, don’t turn. You never give up your responsibility for your own health and well-being. You never give up your responsibility for your own ethics and values.”
I continue with the hard reality. “This is easy to do on the dance floor, but harder to do in an organization. At the very least, it leads to an uncomfortable conversation. At the worst, it can mean you have to leave the organization. And when your livelihood depends on the paycheck, well, saying no has hard consequences.” It’s why a professor who taught ethics in the UT Austin MBA program advised everyone to work to have a savings account that would allow them to walk away from a bad situation.
The message is an important one and often forgotten. Leaders and followers both have responsibilities to the partnership. Everyone has responsibility for the success of the organization. We can’t just point to the people with the title and say, “They told me to do it.” One of the reasons bullies are successful is the fear of the bullied and their unwillingness or inability to speak up. It’s why schools at all levels work to teach people about the responsibility of bystanders – usually other members of the organization. Putting our head down and thanking our lucky stars we aren’t today’s victim all but guarantees we’ll be a victim next time.
If we want our leaders to live up to our high expectations for leadership, we all need to be practicing our part of the dance. The central message of The Leadership Dance is that when you really look at the best leaders you find they are surrounded by really great followers who are also leaders. We need to be asking ourselves what are we doing to support leaders? What are we doing to hold them accountable? What are we doing to be great leaders whether we have the title or not? We all need to be taking on the responsibility for leadership at all levels. It’s the challenge of our era. It may be what defines our collective future.
Take care,
Gage
PS
See my book Shall We Lead: Leadership as Partnership for more details about this workshop. https://www.amazon.com/Shall-We-Lead-Leadership-Partnership/dp/1657620182
Here’s a list from one such group included in Shall We Lead. Leader List: Courage, Intelligent, Trustworthiness, Self-Starter, Forward-Thinker, Troubleshooter, Pro-Active, Excellence, Commitment, Responsibility, Reliability, Disruptive, Visionary, Communicator, Collaborative, Supportive, Sense of Humor, Relationships, Dependability, Innovative, Inspiring, Bold, Skilled, Model the Way, Honest.